Thanksgiving Miracles

My dearest digital comrades,

Family holidays <3

Thanksgiving (aka pre-Christmas brunch) is almost upon us, which means millions of families will be gathering around tables of assorted shapes and sizes, where mom and Aunt Melissa will drink too much wine and proceed to slur their words before starting controversial conversation about their daughter's sex life or (heaven forbid) their own.  

Good thing the kids are all baked as the pie and don't care, since every good young American knows that smoking 'mad dank' is part of the Thanksgiving sacrament. I can't wait to be a drunk Aunt and embarass all the youngins.

The real reason I bring up Thanksgiving though is because this guy Jack White III has this lil record shop in Nashville called The Third Mans and they're offering sweet vinyl goodness for turkeys to donate to a charity. No joke, you can bring a turkey in and Maestro White will transform it into the Third Man 7'' of your choice! 

From what I've read on Fox News and Christwire, this basically means Jack White is Jesus so we should all bow down and give him all of our holiday fowl. 

TOLD YOU, bitches.

[Editors Note: Due to the all of the Chtulu business during the Times Square Rapture of 2k13, I did not have time to confirm this allegation with St. Jim James when he descended to Earth, but we can just assume it is true, Fox News never lies.]

Well sexy Internet I'm off, I gotta go burn up all my food stamps on a barrel of turkeys so I can be the proud owner of some #relevant vinyl! Until I return, here are some fantastic White Stripes rarities (a relative term in this overwhelmingly connected age) for your vibetastic pleasure:

SMALL FACES/HAND SPRINGS

A lo-fi gem with a rapid fuzzy heartbeat, Hand Springs tells a tale of love lost in a bowling alley. Gentlemen take note: never try to make up with your girlfriend at a bowling alley with a country pinball machine called Stand By Your Man: you'll only drop her Coke before causing some serious property damage and leaving broken hearted. Pretty sure that's in the Bible somewhere, probably in the Gospel of Jack (now available as an Amazon E-book, download straight 2 yr Kindle!) 

Also, fun fact: I was at this show, you can kind of see my bobbing head in the shadowy front.

Relevancy Note: Record Store Day 2k12 officially made this not so much of a rarity, but that's ok, Tumblr Jesus forgives their indiscretion and lack of 'cred' waves. 

LORD, SEND ME AN ANGEL

The White Stripes covered a multitude of classic blues songs throughout their career, but this rendition of Blind Willie McTell's pining ballad is notably intriguing. The studio version is great, but this live version from an outdoor New York shows the more playful nature of the often abrasive Mr. Jack White, changing the words to fit the NY crowd and bringing his charismatic vibes to the forefront, something that came over time with this song as he got more and more comfortable and relaxed with his own renditions of it.

RATED X

Almost uncomfortably appropriate, this cover of Loretta Lynn's ode to divorce was a live staple for the band in their first few years. This version is taken from an early performance at the Detroit Institute of the Arts. The most interesting part of this early video is seeing Jack & Meg nowhere near as tight and in tune as they would grow to be, yet they still hold their classic charm and the creative chemistry between the two is blatantly visible.

THE UPHOLSTERERS:::PAIN (GIMME SYMPATHY)

And as an added bonus, here is a song from Jack White's pre-Stripes band The Upholsterers. Started with Brian Muldoon while Jack served as an upholstery apprentice, the group recorded three songs that share a similar sound to another Jack White two piece act...

 According to Jack White's expansive apocrypha, he and Muldoon used to slip 45's into the furniture they'd upholster, some of which have probably never been discovered but would be a vinylphile's wet dream/holy grail/etc. This unconventional method of distribution makes a lot more sense when put into the context of Third Man's 'unique' approach to record packaging.