Viral Infection: Unicorn Sandwich Edition

This week has been filled with nonsense work that has fried by brain and forced my attention span to narrow so much that I can only consume the most mindless of media.  I decided this meant I should watch warped versions of songs that have become Internet memes.  [Note: Rebecca Black will not be featured] amongst other ridiculous shit.  So here are some audio treats (generous term) best served with a blank mind, a burning nostalgia, and maybe a bong.

Gimme Pizza ('Chopped & Screwed')---Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen

This song has been haunting me the past few days.  A selection from the You're Invited video series, which incited a smorgasbord of envy from me as a child, Gimme Pizza explores the childhood dream of putting every weird thing you can find on your pie, a fantasy brought to life once people watching this video start smoking pot and making poor sexual decisions.  The slowed down version also has a bangin Kitty Pryde feeling beat; (in fact, this could be a Kitty song, maybe she'll cover it...In fact, for comparisons sake, listen to
 Okay Cupid)

Anywho, so beware of watching either of these videos because they'll be stuck in your head ad nauseum and you may commit Internet suicide aka not update your Tumblr for a week or tweet n00dz.

Jonny McGovern:::The Gayest of All Time

K. Urbz & Adele stood, but Chris Brown was too tired from beating his current flame

Basically the most fabulous song ever written, about a massive dance party with every queerfolk in the universe coming together on the dancefloor with an open bar...essentially, Heaven. Plus side: everyone knows how to dance and is dressed fabulous. And Chris Brown isn't invited. 

[Frank Ocean totally is though]

Eddie Noack:::Psycho

A song written by Leon Payne, this tune has been covered by many an artist, (Elvis Costello being one of the more famous ones, although Amanda Palmer & Neil Gaiman did a cute married couple version) Noack's version is by far the most unsettling. Another Internet bro made an 'edgy' video to go with it, chock full of found footage and other weird shit that serves merely as a moving pastiche of visual stimulation.  You can also close your eyes and draw the pictures Noack paints in yr skull, they're more terrifying anyway.

Viral Infection: Animal Rescue Edition

Well hello there dear Internet strangers!  Pardon my absence, I've been hiding in the forests of somewhere super indie, making woodland creatures sing me #relevant buzztunes and tell me the secrets of dirt.  So here are a few selections from some of Mother Nature's critters that need YOUR love/Internet buzz to survive! [Insert sad Sarah McBlahBlah song here]

''Dear Tumblr Jesus: please make me Internet famous''

Frightened Rabbit:::Good Arms Vs. Bad Arms

Poor Scott Hutchison and his Frightened Rabbits, hiding away in Scotland from all the <3-breakers and hAtErZzZ.  He even shaved his beard for this stripped down version of my personal favorite FR tune, so he needs your warm lovin arms more than ever to heat up his naked face.

[via Sleepover Shows]

Okkervil River:::Black Sheep Boy

Once upon a time, Tim Hardin wrote this beautiful song about sheep vibes, then Will Sheff and the Okkervil Rivers covered it and wrote an equally beautiful album to further explore the emotionalism behind said sheep vibes and interweave the sheep struggles into Sheff's own heartbreak.  Then, some girl from the Internet used her MacBook to appropriate the aforementioned vibes/angsts and put them into a video with her and her awesome BFFs in black & white smoking cigarettes and vibin 2 landscapes. Help the Black Sheep Boy maintain his relevance, donate today!

Andrew Bird:::Tables & Chairs (Live at Bonnaroo '06)
Every June, a fuckton of vibed out folk make the pilgrimage/vision quest to a little town called Manchester, Tennessee where they proceed to join together in a tight knit little community that shares a farm where they vibe 2 groovy tunes, do copious amounts of drugs and fuck each other.  It is in this idyllic setting that we find our next animal in need of rescue, a young Bird named Andrew. This is no regular Bird: he whistles better than yo mama's bluebird (they whistle right?) and can play lots of isntruments and is so painfully attractive you almost want to vomit.  [Really, he should be rescuing us.  I WANT TO WHISTLE LIKE THAT! Everytime I try I just spit all over myself and have to drink away all the bad feelings my failure brings...but I digress....] Anyway, Mr. Bird brought his Apocalyptic visions to the blissed out crew at Bonnaroo and was met with enthusiastic whoops and BONNAROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOs, but no one took him seriously.  With the recent Rapture in Times Square, people need to be hearing this message and really vibing to it, just letting it drift through the bong smoke and soaking it into their remaining brain cells.  [Also: LOLZ when he tells the crowd there will be snacks and they lose their shit.  Don't do drugs kids.]